Dangers of the Lack of Empathy and What We Can Do for our Children
There is a growing trend that is happening which is a cause of great concern with me. More and more so I am witnessing the lack of empathy in our society. The popularity of reality shows has made it a common practice for people to yell, lie, cheat and demean one another. And it’s not just reality television, it’s the news broadcasts, social media, our politicians, and online commentaries all giving “shock” stories and one- liners to grab people’s attention.
While initially it may seem harmless, consuming these stories day in and day out trick your mind into believing it is the norm. For instance, last month I was showing my teen son a negative comment left by an Internet troll to me on my Instagram account on my appearance. My purpose of showing him was to make it a teachable moment on how not to treat people or judge others especially hiding behind the computer. To my surprise, my son read the comment and replied, “Mommy, that comment isn’t so bad, that is just how people speak to each other online.”
While some may feel I am overreacting with my concern of this statement, it is something that we should not take lightly. Children and even adults are becoming desensitized to rude comments, violence and bad behavior as something that is normal or “no big deal.”
Studies from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) have found that anxiety, depression and behavioral problems with children ages 3-17 are on the rise. In many cases, these problems overlap. Anxiety affects about 30% of our children, yet more than half never get help.
The lack of empathy has led to a rise in bullying and more so on social media where children are no longer able to “escape” from the bully. A heartbreaking account of this was the death of Mallory Grossman who took her own life the summer of 2017 at the tender age of 12 due to non-stop bullying from classmates.
Many believe you are either born an empathetic person or not. Empathy can be nurtured and learned!
One way of teaching empathy is through perspective training. Learning different perspectives is a way to understand someone’s thoughts, beliefs, wants, and needs. We can do this by teaching our children to ask thoughtful questions and putting themselves in someone else’s shoes. This can be done as early as the toddler years.
When children learn at a young age how to understand someone else’s perspective other than their own, it gives them the opportunity to learn how to be less judgmental, handle conflicts in a healthy manner, help others who are in distress and develop healthier peer relationships. This is in turn helps them become successful and empathetic adults.
There are many ways to teach looking at different perspectives. Here are a few to start with:
- Paying Attention: When speaking to someone, look at their facial expressions and body language. If the person looks upset or defensive, ask how would you feel if this person was speaking to you in that manner.
- Role Play: Take the role of someone else. For instance, someone who is sitting alone at lunch in school. Put yourself in that role and ask yourself how would you feel in that same situation.
- Try Again: When you say something that hurts someone’s feelings unintentionally, try saying it in another way that makes the person feel good.
When a child does something wrong, it is important to clearly identify what was wrong and why it could be hurtful. For instance: “Not looking at Daddy and playing on the phone while he was speaking to you was disrespectful.”
Whether at home, at play or in school there will always be opportunities for us to teach our children empathetic skills. More importantly, we should be strengthening our own empathy and modeling how to speak kindly, respect differences, and establish meaningful relationships.
Through consistency and awareness, we can build a more empathetic society.
Much love,
Inez xo