Feeling of Belonging - Getting Back on Stage
We’ve all heard the phrase “step out of your comfort zone.” Well, what happens when you feel completely comfortable up until the point you realize you are in a whole new element and sudden feelings of insecurity and “imposter syndrome” occur?
This past Labor Day weekend, I was invited to be part of an exciting event in Chicago, called Roger Up where elite speakers from all over the country came together on stage and share their stories and strategies for success. I was asked to participate in this event to give two speeches on the foundation of my work with Emotional Intelligence. While I was informed that the speakers were primarily men with military backgrounds, I found this to be and honor and exciting opportunity for me.
The months leading up to the event I felt confident and ready to be back on stage. It had been two years since I last had an in person speaking engagement and I found myself ready and thirsting for the real life human connection of an audience once again. The multiple events that began in 2020 struck me hard and I knew it would be somewhat of a challenge to dust off my microphone and reevaluate the message I was giving to my audience. Now more than ever I realized the importance of building a strong mental foundation and being strong to be one’s authentic self.
From left to right: Byron Rodgers, Autumn Clifford, Jason Redman, Erica Redman, Inez Barberio, Brent Magnussen, Brian Fleming, William Branum
What made this event even more special was that my 16-year-old son asked days before if he could join me. I was more than happy to have him as a travel partner and even more so that he was able to hear from some real life heroes from our amazing country. Where else can a teenage boy meet retired Navy Seals, Marines, Army vets, professional World Champion fighters, police officers, firefighters, martial arts instructors, private security professionals and more all under one roof? This clearly was an opportunity of a lifetime.
Upon arrival of our hotel, Matteo, my son wanted to visit the hotel gym. I walked him over and peeked inside and felt as if I had walked into a Rambo movie. Never did I see so many strong and fit men together in one small space. I recognized many of their faces from the event website and knew they were fellow speakers. Within that moment, “imposter syndrome” set in fast. I felt anxious and began second guessing myself wondering if I belonged on stage with these men.
After my son calmed me down and reminded me that I had my own message to give, I began to feel relaxed once again. I reminded myself that feeling anxious and excitement were of the same chemical makeup and changed my thoughts to excitement once again.
What transpired over the next three days was one of the greatest joys I have ever experienced. The first day when I spoke, I was transparent on my feelings of wondering if I belonged. I went through my speech and afterwards, war veteran, Brian Fleming who was a suicide bombing survivor came up to me and said “you belong here.” That moment changed me and I knew I was in a great place.
Matteo and World Champion Muay Thai fighter, Kevin “The Soul Assassin” Ross
People need human connection! The last two years we have been separated in more ways than one. This is not what being alive is about. We need personal time together and being online via video chats is not enough. To be among humans we have the ability to FEEL their energy and build relationships. We have the ability to grow our skills in empathy and truly LIVE.
During this event, Matteo had the opportunity to learn from so many strong and amazing men and hear their stories of challenges and their journey to success. Matteo was fascinated with the presentation on masculinity given by Marine veteran Byron Rodgers. I truly feel this was a speech our young men need today.
Girl power - Autumn Clifford & Inez Barberio
Ultimately, we all had the same goal in mind of bringing people together and letting them know that they are not alone. We also delivered messages that we all need to take personal ACTION to heal, to succeed. This will not be the same journey for everyone, but it can be achieved.
The Roger Up event gave me the gift to be vulnerable and share my story. It also gave me a whole new group of friends that I will cherish forever. I learned quickly that I belonged! I have no military background, will never be in a professional fight, nor have a experienced a traumatic injury defending our nation, but I belonged!
You don’t need to be of the same gender, race, upbringing or background to belong. By being vulnerable and taking the time to communicate, you can quickly learn how much all of us have in common.
So when you feel that self-doubt, I am here to tell you, '“you belong.”
Much love,
Inez xoxo
Brian “Blown Up Guy” Fleming & Inez Barberio